The Reunion Date: Final Steps To Reconnecting With Your Ex
One of the last things to happen before you see your ex again with be the arrangement of the reunion date. This should come after two or three phone calls, when you've already re-established some sort of casual connection with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend.
Keep in mind that you never want to push a meeting on your ex. You should be able to tell, just in talking with them, whether or not they'll be glad to see you again. There comes a time when phone calls just don't cut it, and you'll need to see each other face to face.
When suggesting a reunion date, it needs to done in an extremely nonchalant way. Don't use the word "date" at all (it's way too scary a term at this point) - what you're going for is a quick meeting, just to catch up with each other again.
Lunch... coffee... these are good ideas when it comes to seeing your ex for the first time since breaking up. They're short, they're quick, and most of all, they're innocent.
Confidence should come easily for you at this point. Why? Because your ex should actually be eager to see you again. He or she should be looking forward to this little reunion as much as you are, if everything has happened correctly so far.
And what DID happen so far? Let's go though a complete rundown of what's happened since your relationship ended:
- First, you handled your breakup with control and class. You didn't beg or plead for a second chance, and you stopped trying to prevent the break from happening. All of these actions earned you your ex's RESPECT.
- Next, you counter-rejected your ex by totally agreeing with the breakup. Instead of fighting to keep things alive, you were in full agreement to let them go. This unexpected approach on your part contributed to your ex's CONFUSION.
- You walked away from the relationship and then totally disappeared. You didn't contact your ex, or respond to contact. Your ex had no clue where you were, or what you were doing. These are all things piqued your ex's CURIOSITY.
- By steering totally clear of your ex, you created a hole where you used to be. Your ex was given the chance to experience loneliness. Lack of any contact spiraled into memories and recollections that had your ex missing you again. This soon created LONGING.
- When you reappeared, you were doing your own thing. You were active, outgoing, happy, and having a great time without your boyfriend or girlfriend. Instead of seeming forlorn and upset, you looked better than ever. In your ex's heart, this created JEALOUSY.
- You reached out to your ex, after enough time had passed. You were well-received at this point, and the two of you recirculated some of the original sparks and feelings of your early relationship. But by not giving too much of yourself away at once, you've now created DESIRE.
NOW your ex is finally ready to see and meet up with you again. And by following the step-by-step approach to getting your boyfriend or girlfriend back, you've set yourself up for success. The reunion date hasn't even happened yet, but you're already off on the right foot.
Approaching your ex immediately after the breakup leaves them wary and defensive. They know your one main goal is to get back together with them, and their goal is to keep the breakup going.
This is why waiting out the breakup and reconnecting later on works so well. By now, your ex is actually looking forward to seeing and hearing from you instead of avoiding you, like they were a few weeks back.
Seeing and Meeting Your Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend - The Reunion Date
Getting your ex to see you after the breakup should be fairly easy at this point. The next time you talk to them on the phone, cut the conversation short again by having to go somewhere. But before you hang up, tell them.
Listen, this back-and-forth phone thing is getting old. Let's meet, so we
can catch up face to face. When do you want to do lunch?
You're not asking your ex to lunch here, you're TELLING them. This is almost a mental mind trick, but not quite. If your ex has any interest in your at all, they'll come up with a date that's free for them. Pick a place that's close by, a place that's public and not too private, and a place that you've never been before, so there are no old memories to weigh things down.
How To Talk To Your Ex - What To Say When You See Them
Physically meeting your ex for the first time since they broke up with you can be extremely nervewracking. You'll worry that you'll say the wrong things, or that they won't like you, or that you'll end up putting your foot in your mouth.
What you need to do here is RELAX. Remember to stay cool and confident. Your exboyfriend or exgirlfriend is just as nervous as you are, if not more. But they're coming to meet up with you anyway, and that's always a good thing.
Any reunion you have with your ex should be short, sweet, and most of all, FUN. You want to catch up a bit, but your main goal should be to have a good time. Even more important, you want your ex to have a good time. This will ensure a second (and third) date.
Smiling is key. If your ex thinks you've been sulking or miserable without them, they'll start to suspect your motives. But the happier and more easy-going you are, the more your boyfriend or girlfriend will think that everything's okay. And not just okay, but actually going really good for you.
Understand something: your ex wants to date someone who's okay. Someone who's happy and confident and outgoing. They're not looking to fix you if you're broken, or cheer you up if you're down and depressed. Your boyfriend or girlfriend wants the same thing most people do: to be surrounded by people who bring them up, not down.
Telling Your Ex You Missed Them - How To Speak to Your Ex
At some point during your reunion date you'll want to tell your ex that you missed them. Do this right after a joke, or something funny your ex may have said to make you laugh. Something like:
"Hahaha! Oh man, that's funny. Damn, I miss hanging out with you."
You're not missing this person as a boyfriend or girlfriend, mind you. You're missing "hanging out" with them. This is more casual, and less suspect. But at the same time, it says pretty much the same thing. It tells your ex that you still like their company, and it will be flattering as well as a little nostalgic. It's also something that they can easily relate to, and hopefully, feel the same way.
And while talking during the reunion date? You need to keep certain things under wraps. There are rules when it comes to seeing your ex again, and boundaries you need to respect. For example:
- DON'T tell your ex how much you love them, or how lonely it's been since they've been gone. You'll come off as needy, it will immediately put your ex on guard.
- DON'T press your ex for unnecessary details as to who he or she has been hanging out with. No one likes an interrogation, and your ex will shut down and clam up.
- DON'T talk about your past relationship, unless it's to point out something good that happened between you. Even then, this type of conversation should be limited.
- DON'T talk about the breakup. Anything to do with how or why you split up should be totally avoided, because such talk only leads to one person placing blame on the other.
- DON'T let the meeting go on too long. You want to get in, get out, and leave your ex boyfriend or girlfriend wanting more. Don't ask your ex if they want to see a movie or go someplace else afterward, even if the two of you seem to be having a good time.
Getting back with an ex requires a certain amount of subtlety and tact. You want to plant a seed in your ex's head; a seed of doubt over whether or not it was a good idea to break up with you. You can't come out and do this directly, it has to be an idea your ex comes up with on his or her own. This leads to your ex wanting you back for his or her own reasons, which leads to a reconciliation based upon what they want, instead of what you're after.
Ideally, you want your ex to question him or herself. Here you are after the breakup, looking and feeling your best, having done some cool things and had some great times, and still optimistic and jazzed up about the future. This is exactly the type of person your ex was most likely attracted to in the first place. You're happy, you're driven, and you appear to have your shit together... certainly a lot more than you did when they decided to break up with you.
Scoring a Second Date - Casually Dating Your Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend
If all goes well, your final step should be a no-brainer: "Let's do this again soon".
There's no way you can jam several weeks' worth of catching up into one short date, and you shouldn't have to. Your ultimate goal was to start dating your ex again, and just like everything else this is more easily accomplished within a series of smaller, baby steps.
You don't want to push for the official "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" title again until you've met a few times, had some fun, and started to feel the more romantic stirrings of the past. Once you hang out a few times, it shouldn't take long for the old feelings to come back.
WARNING: You do not want to fall into the Friend Zone at this point. Going out with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend with strictly platonic thoughts in mind will eventually lead them to seeing you only that way: platonically. A romantic move needs to be made by the 3rd time you see each other, or you run the risk of being nothing more than "just friends".
Eventually you'll have 'the talk', where you speak of your breakup. When this happens, be sure not to point any fingers or place any blame. Think CLEAN SLATE, as that's the best bet for building a solid new relationship on all new beginnings.
What To Do If Your Ex Isn't Responding or Won't See You
Every breakup is obviously different, and each will require different timing. In the case where your ex is still reluctant to see you even after a month of no contact, you'll need additional tactics for getting them to the point where they want you back.
The good news here is a man by the name of Matt Huston. The man is breakup genius when it comes to halting and reversing the inevitable backsliding that occurs with losing someone.
The following two downloadable guides contain gender-specific breakup information as follows:
For Guys: The Exgirlfriend EX2 System
The EX2 System - Find out why she left, what she wants, and what you can do to get her back. This instantly downloadable guide shows you exactly what steps are necessary to make your ex girlfriend want you again.
Matt Huston's methods are sharp, effective, and geared to start working right away. He recognizes the need to be proactive about your breakup, and teaches you exactly what you can start doing right now that will work toward getting your ex back.
For Girls: How To Get Him Back Forever
How To Get Him Back Forever - Learn what goes on in a guy's mind when he dumps you. Find out why most guys aren't truly finished with you after breaking up, and what you can do to stop your breakup in its tracks.
Ex-boyfriend Guru Matt Huston takes you by the hand and guides you step-by-step through your ex boyfriend's thought process. Learn why everything you're doing right now isn't working, as well as radical methods to make him immediately need you back.