Getting Him Back by Finding Common Ground During the Breakup

Most women trying to get back together with an exboyfriend make things harder than they need to. Getting your ex back doesn't always have to be an uphill struggle - there are ways you can become closer with your ex by finding a common ally in each other. Learning how to get back your ex boyfriend is made much easier once you understand these simple principals.

How to Talk to Ex Boyfriend

Does it seem like everything you do to make your boyfriend want you again only serves to push him further away? You're going about things backwards, and if you continue these behaviors you're probably going to lose him for good. Winning your ex back is all about finding a common enemy and creating an alliance between the two of you. That enemy? Everything that was ever wrong with your relationship.

The first thing you need to realize is that your ex has already broken things off with you. Nothing you can say or do right now is likely to change his mind. The more you fight the breakup, the less he'll want to talk to you.

If every time you speak to your ex you're saying things geared to getting him to change his mind, he's going to be defensive. He'll also feel awkward and weird whenever you contact him, and will probably stop taking your calls.

Crying and begging for him to get back together with you is even worse. You ex will immediately lose the respect you've earned during the course of your relationship. He's also going to see you as desperate, and that's never a good thing. Even if you were to date again, he'll always have memories of the degrading way you acted around him after he broke up with you.

So what things can you do to get your ex boyfriend back? Well, for one thing it's always wisest not to fight the break up. If you're willing to play along and roll with his decision to end things, you're always going to be in a better position than if you tried to battle him over it. And instead of demanding to know why he wants to be apart, take some time to examine your relationship and the honest reasons why it's finally coming to an end in the first place.

Hands down, the most effective method to creating a bond between you and your exboyfriend is to establish a common alliance between you. This means you'll need to connect with him on some very emotional levels. I'll talk more on the alliance in a minute, but for right now try to put yourself in your ex's position. Stand in his shoes and examine your relationship from the outside. How do things look from his perspective?

Is he happy? If not, ask yourself why. Try to understand which problems have driven a wedge between you, and see if those are problems you might agree with. Make a list of these issues. Your goal here is to find the ones that both you and your ex can stand together on, which will put your perspective completely in line with his own.

Forming an alliance against the problem parts of your relationship will go a long way toward making your ex listen to you. Now you're speaking his own language: to him, it's as if you're finally seeing what he's saying. And since you're agreeing with him he's going to let you speak, nod his head, and take you that much closer to standing in his inner circle. Standing together again is crucial to fixing your breakup: it puts you in essentially the same place you were when the two of you first started dating.

Maybe the two of you haven't been spending enough time together. Or perhaps there's an opposite problem: you're around each other so much that neither one of you gets enough space. Maybe you haven't given your ex enough attention, or maybe you've given too much of it. Each couple's problems will be different, but all will have a few common themes. One of those? Constant fighting over insignificant crap. Chances are that right before your boyfriend dumped you, the two of you weren't getting along very well.

Imagine telling your boyfriend the following:

"Hey look, I agree. You're right that breaking up is probably the best thing right now. We're both sick of all the fighting, and unfortunately it's usually over something small that gets blown way out of proportion."

This diffuses any breakup situation. It also gets your boyfriend to really listen to what you're saying, rather than him giving you that blank, blow-off type of stare you're already been getting.

At that point you say:

"I think we both need a break - I've been feeling bad about things for a while too, just as you have. The sad thing is that we have a really strong connection. Beneath all those stupid little fights over nothing, we had a really awesome relationship. I loved it, and I miss it too."

This type of scenario is an amazing way to establish an instant connection with your ex. You just agreed with his decision to break up, so he has nothing to fight you on. You also just identified what you feel is wrong with the relationship, and chances are it's something he also feels is a problem. As you're walking away you're dropping a hint or two of hope: that maybe the relationship could be saved, if only the two of you could get over these issues. You're conveying the feeling that your relationship is significant, but the problems are not. The two of you had something magical together, but it got buried by a lot of stupid crap.

If you can pull off such a scenario, you've created an environment in which your ex can begin thinking about getting back together with you. After saying these things, you should give your ex time and space by not communicating with him unless he calls you. After examining what you said, your ex is going to agree with a lot of it. He'll find that you're standing on common ground, and he'll begin thinking about the beginning of your relationship again - all those great times the two of you had before everything was clouded by fighting. If he wants to relive those experiences with you, it's not going to be hard... because you both already agree upon what's wrong with things. His decision to date you again is a lot easier now that you've placed yourself on the same page by agreeing with him that these things should be rectified.

Ex Back System

The Ex Back System is a fully-complete, step by step blueprint to fixing your breakup from START to FINISH. Because no matter where you are along the way? Author Brian Bold picks you up, dusts you off, and shows you exactly what needs to be done.

Male or female, the goal is always the same: you want to get your ex boyfriend or girlfriend to fall right back in love with you again. Here's where you need to be careful, because while the right approach will put your ex back in your arms again, the wrong approach can actually do irrepairable damage to the future of your relationship.

If you've already tried some reconciliation techniques and are struggling with what to do next, the Ex Back System is especially important. Learn to identify behaviors that will drive your ex away, as well as which ones can actually get them thinking about and attracted you again - without you doing much of anything at all.

This instantly-downloadable breakup repair guide includes just some of the following:

  • How to handle your breakup the RIGHT way, even if it's been weeks since you last saw your ex.
  • Techniques for using your social life to affect (and speed up) the reconciliation process.
  • Learn the first three phases of ANY breakup: Recession, Reconstruction, and Reconnection.
  • Find out the best ways to establish contact with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend once again.
  • Deal with special breakup situations: cheating, infidelity, or when your ex is already dating again.

In the end, The Ex Back System proves that you can't undo a stubborn breakup without one important thing: knowledge. The more informed you are? The more successful you'll be.

This 9-chapter, step-by-step system helps guide you through every twist and turn, showing you precisely what to do (and more importantly, when to do it) on the road to getting back with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Check it out here.

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