Sex With Your Ex Boyfriend... Should You Still Be Sleeping With Him?
Not every relationship ends with goodbye, and many get rekindled in some fiery ways. Turning off your feelings for someone isn't always easy: logic usually loses out when it comes to matters of the heart.
Doing it in hopes he'll want you back?
If you're considering sex with your ex boyfriend, you're not the first... women everywhere have fallen back in bed with an ex-lover for all different reasons. The question of course, is should you... or you shouldn't you?
Even after breaking up, there are many aspects of a relationship you may want to hang onto. You'll often hear the phrase "We just weren't compatible... but we were great in bed!" Sleeping with an ex boyfriend can be very tempting, especially if you're feeling lonely, experiencing a dry spell, or are just plain thinking about him again. As time wears on we tend to glorify the good aspects of our past relationships, the sexual parts included.
While there are many dangers of sleeping with a guy you broke up with (or who broke up with you...) there are some appealing aspects as well. The pros and cons of having sex with your ex boyfriend can include many of the same ups and downs of your past history together. Jumping back in the sack, the chemistry might spark right back up again. But at the same time, so might the problems. And if one or both of you are trying to get the other person back, sleeping with someone after the relationship is over can turn very sticky, very fast.
The Pros of Carrying on a Post-Breakup Sexual Relationship
When it comes to sex, no one knows you better than your ex boyfriend. Depending upon how long the two of you dated, you probably slept together dozens or even hundreds of times. Sex with him is safe and fun, mostly because it's familiar. The awkwardness that comes with a new sexual partner is well in the past, and each of you know what the other likes. Physically, you're compatible - or you wouldn't be considering jumping back into bed with him. Emotionally, you might even have connections that makes sex with your ex a hundred times better than sex with someone you've just met, or even worse, a total stranger. There are definite bonuses to having a "friends with benefits" type of situation here, as each of you gets to satisfy each other's needs whenever the mood might strike.
Screwing around with an exboyfriend is also very convenient. Neither of you has to go through the courting process, and your tryst probably doesn't even require dinner or a movie. When you're sleeping with an ex, you can call them at your discretion. By the same token, they can call you when the mood strikes. As one hand washes the other, you're both creating an environment where sex becomes safe, comfortable, and easy to have at a moment's notice... all without the fighting, arguing, and measure of incompatibability that came with dating each other.
Passion... fire... these things can even make sex with your exboyfriend better than it was when the two of you were dating! There's something forbidden about sleeping with a guy you're not even dating... but at the same time, it's easy to justify doing it with someone you've already slept with. And if your ex has a new girlfriend? It becomes even more down and dirty. In some cases, you might even carry on a sexual relationship with your ex even after you starts dating a new boyfriend. The friends with benefits can quickly put a bad spin on anyone's moral compass, depending upon just how deeply and passionately involved the post-breakup affair becomes.
And a final benefit to jumping in the sack with your ex? Sometimes it even leads to a reunion. Many an exboyfriend has become boyfriend again after a few rolls between the sheets. Despite your differences, nothing can change the fact that sex can connect you on some very emotional levels, just as it does on the physical. Sleeping with someone you broke up with and seeing those sparks fly again can have you both wondering why you broke up in the first place. It doesn't always happen this way of course, but it has been known to happen.
The Cons of Having Sex With Your Ex Boyfriend
Yet while sexually renewing a broken relationship can be fun, there are also drawbacks for those who can't fully handle it. Should you? Shouldn't you? Those questions aren't always easy to answer honestly.
Before meeting up with a guy who dumped you, make absolutely sure that your feelings for him are gone. If not, you could wind up getting hurt when, the next morning, he doesn't see the encounter the same way you did. Friends with benefits means you don't have to call the next day... and you should know this going in. Just as your ex shouldn't deceive you into thinking a one-night stand means you're "back together", you shouldn't deceive yourself in the same way.
Getting your boyfriend back shouldn't have to do with sex at all. While sleeping with him will of course be a natural part of your reconciliation process, you shouldn't be using sex as a tool or weapon to get close to him again. Making love with your ex can bring the two of you closer together again, emotionally and spirtually.
That said, it doesn't always have to. In some cases, screwing around is just that: screwing around. It's a physical night of passion that happened between two people who once dated, which may or may not mean that you'll ever do it again. Don't go into it with broad expectations, or even any expectations at all. Disappointment might follow, which will lead to you getting hurt.
In short, you can't have sex with your ex boyfriend thinking that it will somehow fix your break up. This isn't the way things usually go. If you want your ex back, you need to work toward acheiving that goal.
The only thing that always works is establishing a step by step plan for winning him back... and you can't do this with a wink of the eye and a swing of the hips.
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